that inner child

I am sitting looking at these two ancient photos of myself my sister and friends when we were very young. It is a strange thing. The photos have yellowed slightly giving them a golden tinge. The sea and beach and rocks and ourselves all caught in a moment of history. A blip in the planetary twirl of life.

My sister and I are standing together on a rock in the shallows. She has a plaster on her knee. She was always running running running – like a mobile windmill. She is holding a packet. I am guessing from the grins its probably sweets. I am holding my hair back with one hand – having hair problems even then. The sea is glassy and clear. I can smell the briny seaweed and barnacles of the rocky coastline. It is west wales and the sun is shining – like it always did when we were very young.

In the next picture we are sitting on a boat trailer with two little friends. Daughters of my parents friends. We all used to holiday together and go to each others birthday parties. Wrapped in the secure warmth of loving families how could we know what to expect when the weather of life became changeable, breaking sunshine with stormy, epic, drizzly, or drought filled days.

Was that really me? I look like someone I would like to hug. Looking at this photo and recalling memories buried deep in the undergrowth and detritus of life events I am reminded that we are supposed to nurture our inner child. And that doesn’t just mean buying sweets and ice-creams and playing childish pranks. It also means protecting from harm. Keeping the inner one safe even if the outer one thinks she can cope with any and all of the tough stuff that comes her way. In this photo I am face to face with her – my inner child and how can I explain everything that has happened?

My father had a super 8 home movie camera. Many of these holidays and family events were recorded on reels and reels of shiny footage. We used to beg him to play them backwards - Laughing hysterically as someone exited the water backwards at speed, or ran backwards across the lawn, followed by backward racing dogs.
We lost all those films when dampness crept into the storage space, but snippets remain in my brain. Flashbacks of sunshine, smiles and face pulling sessions. I suppose that is how it should be.

Good memories, happy times, great friends and an incredible African life – I have so much to be thankful for too. I think I deserve chocolate.

(with apologies to those who have already seen these pics on my fb page….ok I’m over it now...I think... )